


From The Night Garden

by metropoliszone



Series: The Night Garden [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: (additional smaller pairs apply), Angst, Background Relationships, Flashbacks, Friendship, M/M, Past Niles/Corrin, Past Niles/Subaki, Past Relationship(s), Romance, unlikely friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23996125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metropoliszone/pseuds/metropoliszone
Summary: If anyone deserves love, it's certainly not Niles. It's what he's told himself and it's what he believes to be true.And frankly, he should stop dragging down the King of Hoshido with him, and let him find love else where.But perhaps there's something deep inside that refuses to let him let one more go away.
Relationships: Zero | Niles/Ryoma
Series: The Night Garden [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020940
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Moon

**Author's Note:**

> hey who wants to watch niles hurt himself for a bunch of words DABS

“You’re rather well behaved tonight, Niles.”

Certainly so, he thought. Niles looked around the room as he stood beside Leo, a low chuckle escaping his lips with a sigh. “Oh, come now, Lord Leo. You know very well that I would not ruin Xander’s most important day if I didn’t think I could get away with the mischief.”

Indeed, it was an important day for Xander. His wedding day, with the reception in the largest hall. He was together, holding hands with his wife, who Niles could not be bothered to remember the name of that much. It wasn’t as if Mozu had enough going on in her life that he truly wanted to know much about her. He stood there himself, sipping on the drink he had snatched from a waiter.

“And that is the problem, isn’t it? You can’t seem to locate the little bit of mischief. I worry my retainer is going soft… should I find Odin to spark a mood?

Leo looked towards Niles for a moment with a raised eyebrow, simply causing Niles to let out a loud laugh, enough to draw eyes. Yes, even Xander, but at least his eyes weren’t at disgust. No, he seemed more amused than anything else, which is what a man in love would probably end up feeling in this moment.

“Goodness, you are in a good mood.” Leo said, his eyes on Niles properly now, without fully facing him. Niles was wearing something somewhat formal, so he could look somewhat nice. “This feels off. Are you feeling alright? You usually hate things such as this. When I kissed Takumi for the first time, you told me to visit the medic.”

“Yes, because he’s diseased.” Niles sips his drink again, “And you should have seen a doctor the moment you got intimate with him. I don’t think Xander and his bride have any diseases to be worried about.” He said it so easily and casually too, as if he planned it out in advance.

Leo just sighed and rubbed his head, “Regardless of your thoughts on him or anyone else, it’s still an unusual surprise to see you so pleased.” As he took his own drink and looked around the room, “…You’re not seeing anyone, are you? Someone I’m unaware of from your past?”

Niles paused for a moment. He didn’t look back at Leo when he said that at first. Leo paused back for a moment, “…Or are you still refusing to give anything a chance in your mind? Not to judge you on that matter, of course.”

Niles immediately snapped out of it and laughed. “Ah, how true.” As if avoiding the response entirely, which made Leo look at him with suspicion. “And it’s not as if I haven’t been judged before for my feelings on the matter.” Leaning forward a bit to look around the ballroom. People were dancing, and couples seemed to almost be encouraged to form. The way people danced and moved together as the band played, it kept Niles at the sidelines.

Leo as well, but that was only because Takumi was speaking to his older brother.

And if people were paying even a bit of attention (Leo was, but Niles figured that Leo only thought of him keeping an eye on Takumi himself), they might have noticed Niles’s eye focused on one particular person.

Niles took another sip of his drink.

And then raised it without sipping.

That was the sign of some movement to begin.

“…You don’t mind if I take a step out, do you?” Turning to Leo, “It’s far too stuffy in here right now for me.” Niles finishing off his glass and handing it to one of the waiters. “If there’s an assassination attempt, I hope that you can handle it yourself.” Niles smirked as he patted Leo on the shoulder.

“Of course. You hardly need to ask.”

Leo gave Niles a look and a nod. Not a nod of permission, of course. They were far beyond that. Without either of them, who knows how the other would have fared.

With that, Niles undid the tightness of his shirt as he stepped outside of the hall. The guards there shot him a look, and he laughed, “Don’t judge me for my actions. Neither of you are much better than me.” Without even looking back, he headed through the castle. Steps, turns, movements that lead him to one of the few private areas of the castle.

It was a garden. Nohr didn’t have many gardens in the past, but with Mozu starting to live here, and Takumi visiting more often, they started to flourish. Flowers and bushes were brought in to grow, and trees with fruit were thanks to Corrin. Though Niles doesn’t like to think much about Corrin… and Subaki, for that matter. And he too, while he visited, were crucial to the growth of here. Although the gardens were bittersweet for him at times, he had to admit they were incredibly flourished with flora, some of which Niles never thought might grow here.

There were even places to sit. This garden wasn’t huge, and few people visited. Save for Niles, as it gave a strong view of the moon. He moved to sit down on the bench, properly undoing his shirt as he looked up.

Not as beautiful as the roof’s view of it. But beautiful enough to keep Niles’s mind at ease.

What really was the goal here? The goal with Ryoma and himself?

Ugh, it keeps haunting his mind. He wasn’t a serial dater in the least; it’d be kinder (and more honest) to call him a slut. He didn’t form relationships or romances, and he’s fairly certain he can’t. Everything seems to fall between his fingers when he tries, and it’s easier to pretend it didn’t happen than it is to look at it from an angle that he was maybe not completely at fault for everything that went wrong.

It’s just easier to say he is, and it’s easier to say being in love is a bad thing for him. He can’t do it. Functionally impossible for him to do it. After all, he must watch Leo and his new romance, and make sure he doesn’t make mistakes.

Maybe he just doesn’t have the time.

Maybe he doesn’t the energy.

Maybe he just… can’t.

How old is he now, anyways? He doesn’t know his true birth year and perhaps never will, but he certainly is older than Leo by a bit. That he knows. Beyond that, no idea. Maybe he’s too old to start to hunt for love again?

God, he sounds like a grandfather, doesn’t he?

It’s in this moment that he’s lost in thought where the door from the hallway nearby begins to open. Noticing himself not sitting as properly as he could, he moves his body to sit up fully and look at least moderately human.

“…Ah. There you are. I thought I had gotten lost.”

Niles just hums as he speaks, “Perhaps… but you seem to always find your way here. I wasn’t waiting too long.”

As he moves to stand, he takes a good look at the man of the hour. How to describe him properly… long brown hair, and a demeanor, even with his arms crossed over his chest, says enough about his state of being than anything else he’s ever done.

Ryoma is a man that Niles looks at and wonders what the fuck happened here.

“Indeed, I do… I’m not certain what it is about you, but you always seem to pull me away.”

He reaches to take Niles’s hand, and holds it in his own. His hand is strong, yet gentle. Smooth as if he doesn’t hold a sword for most of the day, and large enough to cover Niles’s in his. But it’s still soft enough to remind Niles that he’s not an enemy. Not anymore.

Though he’s pretty sure he’d still be given shit by Leo for this.

“Oh? What could have been more important than me?” Niles leans in slightly as he asks, moving closer to Ryoma’s ear. “Certainly nothing that couldn’t wait until you returned home.” His fingers moved to curl into Ryoma’s fingers.

Even if his nerves start to take over and he questions exactly why he might even be in Ryoma’s eyes at all, he can’t deny the side of him that just wants to flirt with him all day and night. To do that would be against everything he’s known and is familiar with.

“Hmm…” Ryoma lets out a small hum, “Perhaps there is. But it’s not important for right now.”

It leaves Niles to blink and look at him with the tilt of his head, “Not important? Ah, and it left me out in the cold while you dealt with it.” Teasing with a charming smile playing at the corner of his lips. His fingers grasp into his and curl into one another. “Shameful, Ryoma.”

His other hand moved to press against Ryoma’s face to pull him in for a soft kiss. Which he previously could never see himself doing.

At least before this started to happen.

~ ~ ~ ~

To truly dig into their relationship, Niles would have to go back.

And back is something he’s never liked doing.

He doesn’t tell people his history for a reason. They don’t understand and all they seem to think he likes to do is make people feel bad for having a good life. When that’s only the first of the many things he likes to do with people who think they have it better than he does.

Royals are so dumb.

But looking back at Subaki. And Corrin. And the few others he’s only dated for hints and moments. And then to when he met Ryoma in a way that stripped them both down. Ryoma without his armor, and Niles with his guard lowered.

It was in Hoshido, Castle Shirasagi. It led to a good number of revelations from Niles.

Including his entirely valid fear of being on a mountain top, but that was besides the point.

He had come with Leo at the request of Takumi. Odin stayed at the castle to handle things there, and Niles would be the one to escort him. Even if it did mean that he was absolutely going to be spending most of the trip here not looking anywhere near the edge.

Since it was safe for Leo (as far as Leo told him), he was allowed to explore. See what Shirasagi had to offer them, and let Niles know what he could look forward to.

Okay, he was forced to explore.

He would have much preferred to make sure Takumi didn’t try anything suspicious. But Leo pushed him out of the room and told him to go see what they could do together after him and Takumi were done. Which made him frown for a moment because he knew damn well he’d find something (or someone) here that he wouldn’t like to see for a moment. It was clear Takumi wanted him out of the room more than Leo did.

But fine, if he had to leave, he would go and do something.

Miserably.

He looked around corners a bit as he walked through Shirasagi. He had nothing to go from for this castle. Walking around here felt entirely out of his element. And worst of all is that he knew there were ninjas here and maybe, just maybe, they’d consider him a threat.

The other real threat walking through here was the gossiping he heard.

‘Did you hear? That strange gentleman here was the one who broke Subaki’s heart?’

Tch. Like they’d know how that went down. It kept him walking as he tried not to listen to it. He was strong, of course, but he certainly didn’t want to hear the trash that some people may try and force out. People liked to speak without knowing anything. And it certainly didn’t help that even back in Nohr, he wasn’t immune to gossip either. At least there he could threaten people without causing an incident and throwing months of hard work in the trash. If he was any worst of a person, he could have easily taken care of that.

But, truth be told, he was supposed to be a better person. Which is why he steamed on it and kept walking without looking where he was going. Which ended up with him running into someone. Definitely a first for the usually far more observant (and far crueller) Niles.

“…Hm? Niles?”

That was a different voice than the gossip between housemaids and other staff. A deeper voice (and one that Niles actually can place a name to once he’s not thinking about other things), as Niles looks up.

Ah.

This makes him step back. He doesn’t like royals or nobles, but he does like Leo. And Leo, in a moment of exasperation, asked him to at least treat Ryoma with some respect.

“Lord Ryoma.” He gives a quick bow to him as he moves to stand properly up. “Apologies.”

Meeting Ryoma in the middle of the Castle Shirasagi was, perhaps, one of the more intimidating things to have happen. The king of Hoshido, who was not dressed in his armor, the thing that truly gave him strength and power, but rather a simple robe with his hair relaxed down his body, and holy crap he had a lot of it. It was amazing. Niles had never seen a man look this good before.

“Ah, no need to apologize. I’m certain you had a reason for not paying full attention to where you were going.”

But this was not said in the way Niles would have said it. A cruel and nasty way to make someone feel worse of themselves. One that if it left his mouth, it would be followed up with more words to continue to beat someone down to their bare bones. That’s just who he is.

Ryoma actually sounds sincere. Which is something Niles is still not really used to, but this hits him in a way that feels as if Ryoma is actually telling him that it’s okay. Which feels impossible because… well… Ryoma is a noble. A royal. A king. And any sort of truth said by him has to be followed up with something meant to bring Niles down to the level where he’s actually supposed to be. He’s not a royal or a noble. He’s, in the end, still the street rat he grew up being, only with a paycheck that’s better than what he had back then.

But there’s nothing. It’s a simple comment.

“Ah, no. I really just wasn’t paying attention.” Again, for once, Niles trying to be on his best behavior. And if he could do that, perhaps he’d actually be trusted to be in the same room as Takumi with just him and Niles.

(Although Takumi’s retainers were another story, pretty sure they’re as smart as he is).

“Hmm… ah, well.” Ryoma said with a soft, calming smile on his lips. “Well, if you aren’t busy, why don’t you spend some time with me?” Pulling out a bottle of sake from his relaxing outfit, which Niles could not put a name to, but he looked very good in.

“While the offer is appreciated, I am on request from Lord Leo.” Niles said, as if it was an airtight excuse.

“Oh? And what request might that be?”

Niles’s demeanor hadn’t changed even as Ryoma questioned him, but as he stood there, he felt as if Ryoma didn’t believe him or might dig in deeper and rip him to shreds from even a hint of weakness.

“Ah, he wants me to find a place for himself and I to spend some time together when he’s done. I have never been here myself, and he thinks I might enjoy the time exploring.”

Ryoma just thought for a moment, and then gave a small nod. “Then, even better. I will take you on a tour. You are a guest, Niles, and I would like to show you some things that you might not find on your own.”

Again. Suspicion. Why would Ryoma do this for him? To him? An insult, as if Niles couldn’t find it himself.

“I appreciate the offer, but-“

“It wasn’t an offer.”

Niles looked at him and tilted his head, Ryoma slipping the booze away, with a smile.

“I will take you on the tour. It won’t take long.”

Niles just paused… and let out a laugh. Well. He can’t say he was expecting that. Then again, Ryoma was still the mystery in his eyes, as he had barely spent time with him, that wasn’t in regard to things of a war like nature. Every air of him basically said to Niles that there was something interesting there. And something he wanted to know more of.

“Well… if that’s what you want.”

Ryoma hums as he nods, proving that it is what he wanted.

“Just follow me.”

~ ~ ~ ~

Thinking back on their true first meeting, he wasn’t sure what he expected to come from it, but he supposed it wasn’t this. Where he was sitting quietly and peacefully with Ryoma. But it was nice. And peaceful. Which Niles had yet to experience once in his entire life, anywhere but the private moments he shared with Ryoma.

He definitely wasn’t going soft, though. And he could hold his own, no issue. If someone smack talked him, he would smack back. But there was another side to him, as much there is another side to anything.

The side that truly only Ryoma got to see from him.

“Should we head back before someone gets suspicious?” Niles said, a small laugh leaving his lips, “They’d notice a king being gone for so long.” Not that Niles would have been noticed while he’s mysteriously disappeared, after all, that was his specialty. But Ryoma being gone from a large event for so long was going to bring notice to it.

Ryoma chuckled lightly and moved to rest his hand on Niles’s leg, “It will be fine. I want to spend time with you, Niles… and I want to ask you a question.” Giving that leg a small squeeze, holding them in place together, but not strong enough to keep Niles from leaving if he chooses to.

Although Niles doesn’t plan on escaping, it says something that Ryoma knows that he might. It means that something is about to come up that Niles would, in all good conscious, try to fuck off away from. He looks towards Ryoma and places his hand on top of his. Though Niles gave no response to Ryoma, it was an answer enough for the man.

“…Do you ever desire to get married?”

It gave Niles pause for thought. No, the words were no ‘would you marry me’, but they may as well have been. The way Ryoma said it so earnestly and kindly, it made Niles truly wonder if he had heard it correctly or if his mind had decided to play tricks on him. That would not be the first time or the last time it would happen. But he decided that he couldn’t just ask him to repeat it, as that would give the answer away that he was thinking about but determined not to share.

“Ah… hm… that’s quite the question, Ryoma. Marriage is certainly… something.” Niles tried to be as kind as possible about it, knowing his own words could be taken as rude. “It’s certainly something that some people may find has appeal.” His face staying calm as could be, but his eye spoke everything that he was thinking. “However, I’m not… thinking about it myself at the time.” It was, perhaps, the most honest and kind answer he could give to someone asking it.

Ryoma squeezed that leg a bit, and slowly nodded as he spoke, “I see.” A soft smile on his lips, “That’s all.”

…Wait. That’s all? That’s it? 

This wasn’t his first time getting the question. But this is his first time getting an answer that didn’t end up going desperately bad. People expected a particular answer when they asked that question.

The ‘I see’ said more than Ryoma had probably thought.

“…Really? That’s all?” Niles said, trying not to look surprised (and probably, desperately, failing in that endeavour). Ryoma chuckled while he removed his hand and slowly began to stand up, Niles’s eye following him as he did so without moving the rest of his body to match. It felt as if there was something keeping him sitting down – the weights that he had actually disappointed Ryoma with his actions and words.

“That’s all. I simply wanted your opinion.” Ryoma nodded and looked towards him, “Shall we head back?”

The whole thing was suspicious to him now. Niles was willing to admit that he suggested they go back, but Ryoma was more willing to stay even if it made him look more suspicious. Perhaps Ryoma didn’t want to handle the messiness that would come with a breakup in the midst of an important evening with Nohr? Perhaps fearful it might start another war if he upsets a Nohrian? No… Ryoma’s not that stupid.

But then… why? What’s on Ryoma’s mind? What’s his thought process?

“…I think I need to sit for a moment out here. Too many nobles and royals out there.” Waving his hand to brush it all off, Niles smiled towards him, “You know how it is for me. Too much money and I start to become a nasty individual.” He spoke and let out a breath of air, which turned into a tiny cloud with how cool it was starting to become out. “But please, go on ahead. I’ll be there eventually.”

It was if there was a moment where they met gazes. Niles’s own… he felt off kilter. As if Ryoma had knocked him off of his center and forced him to wobble a bit as he figured himself out. But Ryoma’s had concern to it. Worry and fear. Nothing Niles had seen before, at least a gaze that was so dedicated onto him. Worry and fear was for other things. It was better off for other people who deserved to be worried about and be afraid of their future actions. Niles did not deserve something like that.

“…Then I will see you inside of the event,” Ryoma said, walking closer to Niles and gently placing a hand on his head with a soft smile playing at his lips. “I’m here for a few more days as well, so I hope we have the opportunity to talk again before I leave.”

As if he knew Niles would not say much in return, he simply removed his hand and left the way he came in. The weight Niles had on him began to build stronger, began to weigh him down harder and feel as if he couldn’t move an inch. It was as if he didn’t believe a damn word he had just heard.

Why would have Ryoma even brought it up if he wasn’t planning on proposing? Why would it have even been discussed if it wasn’t a make or break moment for their relationship? Niles was completely professional at keeping things a secret from the public, from the royal family, from even Leo, and he figured that was what Ryoma would want with this. Perhaps Ryoma was only testing him to see if he would even want it before breaking it off entirely?

Ah, that explains it. Ryoma has found a wife. Someone who can properly represent Hoshido and bear him children and make him happy. Niles is definitely not someone who wants children, and absolutely cannot represent Hoshido or make Ryoma happy like a wife could. He was not a housebody, he was not meant to be a housewife.

That was it. That was what this whole conversation was about. Ryoma was going to get married to someone else and he wanted Niles to be prepared for it.

At least, that’s what Niles was going to tell himself in order to make himself feel better.

…Because that was going to make him feel better. And not make him feel like he weighed a ton and was tied down to the bench in the night garden. He was going to get back up and go back to the event, and everything would be just fine.

Everything would be fine.

So then why couldn’t he stand?

It was as if his legs refused to change position and his hands refused to help him push up from the bench. As if his body didn’t want to admit what his thoughts had come up with, or worse, that they were more scared of that than anything else that had gone on tonight.

Everything would be fine.

His legs quivered as he attempted to stand again. His mind raced with the thoughts that darted between so many different things that it felt he might explode if he let it all go on. His entire body felt like a balloon, ready to pop if anything else entered it. Ugh, he had to let go. He had to go elsewhere.

As he continued to push himself to stand and continued to try and have his thoughts only rest on one logical (to him) train of thought, he simply figured he’d go to bed. If he disappeared from the event entirely, Leo would just come to him and make sure he wasn’t dead or trying to cause issues. And then he could deal with whatever aftermath happened tomorrow.

His body standing straight up, finally, he moved to the door that Ryoma had left from as well and exited, taking a deep breath and turning towards his blind eye when he heard…

“Niles?”


	2. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And Ryoma desires to pierce that shell wide open."

“Oh? I’m surprised you’re here.”

Laslow stood in the hallway. Hm. Not that Niles is surprised, they had been gone for a bit, but to run into Laslow here…

“I was asked to come look for Ryoma. Xander had wanted to talk to him and wasn’t sure where he had headed off to. Clearly, you’re behind something.”

It just made Niles feel slightly less amused than usual with these antics. Because it meant that, once again, people had no trust or faith in him that he could be anything except an asshole. And that’s the only reason he could be spending time with someone like the king of Hoshido. Typical.

“And if I am?” Crossing his arms over his chest, defending himself entirely as he looks down at Laslow. Not that the man is shorter than him, but rather that he’s not exactly interested in defending himself to someone who clearly has no idea what he’s getting himself into. “I let him go back, didn’t I? If I had any plans, do you think I would have let him go back so easily?”

Defending himself had been something he had done for years on his own. From when he was young to as recent as now, he’s become a professional in the area. He likes to believe he’s a perfectionist, but some people (some very handsome, long haired, royal people) liked to slither themselves inside of his defensive field. Still, there were others who, in Niles’s mind, could not get through the wall. Should not get through the wall.

Laslow was someone who was not going to get through his wall.

“What do you mean?” Laslow looked a bit on edge, which Niles knew he could dig in with a knife, and break open that boy to his core.

“What do I mean? Simply put that if I so desired, I could have kept anyone with me for as long as I wanted… and there would have been nothing you, King Xander, or anyone from Hoshido could do about what I did.” As he took steps towards Laslow, forcing him to cower before him. “In fact, I could give you a demonstration if you so desired. I could tie you up,” Moving to get fully into his personal space, Niles looked down his nose and narrowing his eye at him, “And keep you hidden away from everyone else… oh that would be fun.”

All it did was make Laslow red and stutter, which was really what Niles was looking. He smirked and moved to walk past him, “Never mind. It’d just be a waste of rope.” He laughed as he continued to step past Laslow, not even touching him, almost as a refusal to do so. “Enjoy the rest of your evening… and keep your nose where it belongs.”

All he heard was a sound from Laslow that simply said he had won, and he was certainly going to take that and run with it.

Laslow just let out a sigh of defeat, “Are you really happy with yourself, Niles? Tormenting everyone?” Speaking after him as Niles started to walk away, “You can’t be if you’re continuing to act in this way while everyone is off enjoying this wonderful day.”

It gave Niles an opportunity to pause for a moment, looking over his shoulder… but Laslow would notice that he’s not looking at him with his eye. That star on the patch was gleaming in the low light of the night and the lights in the castle. However, the thing Laslow could not see was the exact strength of the goddamn nerve he hit in Niles and shook him to the core.

“I suggest you remember your place. Although you may be Lord Xander’s retainer, rest assured that if you went missing, he could find another. And you wouldn’t like the way I make people go missing, Laslow. Remember who you’re talking to for once in your life.”

With the flick of his hand, his cape blew behind him and he was off. If Laslow had another thing he wanted to say, he would have to say it to the air, because Niles had no desire to listen to whatever bullshit anyone had to tell him. Happy day? Please. Weddings were not happy. No one could really be happy being married. It was all just for politics and to make idiots jump for joy at whatever ridiculous celebration could be held. It simply reminded him of how stupid nobles really could be. Anything would please them.

Any good mood he had when spending time with Ryoma had been eaten up with one interaction with that stupid airhead who wouldn’t know what happiness was if it bit him on the ass and kicked him on his way.

Niles grumbled all the way past the ballroom at this point, griping in his head while trying not to let his frustration show on his face. What with his charming smile, there was no way he’d be caught for being in a negative mood, right?

And those maids moving out of the way were just being nice, right? Certainly not gossiping about how pissed he looked… and speaking of which, maids were an equal pain in the ass. All they wanted to was gossip and complain about whatever seemed to bother them with no figuring out what might be a real issue. They were so high and mighty with themselves, being born into noble-ism and paid to work here just so they might find a husband.

Hmph. Maybe Ryoma would like one of those instead. Bet they’re his type. Willing to get married and all that.

Ugh, why did anyone have to bring up marriage tonight?! Why do people even have to think or talk about marriage? Why did they even have a wedding?!

Ugh, he needed to calm down, and he can’t even go back to where he was, because he knows he’s going to run into someone he’d rather see stabbed in the throat (and there’s no promising that he won’t be the one to stab them in the throat), so instead, he decides to just walk.

And think about things he probably shouldn’t be thinking about. Because there’s nothing like depressing yourself further after an incident like that.

~~~~

“Well, Lord Ryoma, I must say… this is quite the place.”

Again, be nice, be nice, do not mess this up for everyone involved, he respects Leo, this is what Leo wants.

Even if this place looks no different than Nohr, except for the fact that it’s Hoshido. But there’s maids, and lots of rooms, and a very decent library which Takumi probably spends all of his time avoiding, with how ‘smart’ he seems to be. But there’s nothing here that’s unique to him. Truth be told, he’s going to forget about all of this in a few days.

“Ah, thank you. I didn’t do much work towards it… some of the art is something I’ve become fond of, and I certainly had a hand in that. However, a lot of it was passed down through my mother and father, and the previous king and queen as well. I certainly have tried to keep as much as possible around here.”

It was a mix of thoughts here. Niles could understand why people might be interested in keeping everything around from their past. Treasured keepsakes, and things family carried down from one generation to the next. There’s treasured memories there. Of course he understands that (if only because Leo has told him about it), but on the other hand…

He doesn’t think it’s better than safety. Then again, after the life he’s had, nothing is better than finally not having to worry about anything. Leo had made sure of that.

“Hm. I see.” Niles nodded as he looked, with his one good eye at another picture on the wall, “So nothing in here is chosen by you?” Because even if Niles was supposed to be on his best behavior, he couldn’t promise to be on his best behavior. Sometimes he had to be a little sassy to a royal. It’s in his blood.

But rather than, as many other royals would, argue and complain about Niles, Ryoma just let out a little chuckle, crossing his arms over his chest. “I suppose you could say that, yes,” He said, “However, there is something I’ve been working on a bit while we’ve had some time for peace.” As he starts to turn and walk again, using a finger to have Niles follow behind him towards whatever his project may be.

Safe to say he’s fairly certain he won’t be the least bit impressed. Nothing here has really impressed him in the way that he had expected when Leo told him to go find something for them to do later on. There was nothing for them to do here, except explore the library and spend the night there.

“Well, if you insist.” Niles said, following along and falling into step almost right behind Ryoma. It’s something he’s been unable to push himself out of sync when going anywhere, causing people to question if he doesn’t trust them (which he doesn’t), but Ryoma seems to care less about that. Probably because Niles is sure that Saizo and Kagerou are not far behind them.

After all, no one trusts the murderous street rat.

It’s not far to what Ryoma calls his project, where the doors open to go back outside. The sun from earlier is beginning to fall out of the sky, and they’re looking at a rather large garden instead. A rather simple garden. Not that Nohr doesn’t have its own simple gardens, but he’s usually not promised that it’s something impressive.

Yet, Ryoma looks pleased. Which leaves Niles mildly confused.

“…Is this it?” Niles asks, definitely on purpose, and definitely callously as possible. Well if Ryoma was going to hate him, it might as well be something that’s worth arguing about.

“Ah, yes. This is it for right now.” Ryoma chuckled, “It’s something I’ve been working on, and it’s still a work in progress, but it is going to be something incredible.” He turns to look at Niles with a nod, “Perhaps you won’t see the end result this time, but I promise to have you come back when it’s all done.”

Niles pauses for a moment as the sun continues to set and the entire garden gains a dark orange view. It has flowers and bushes, and a tree, with plenty of open space for other things, but it’s not something Niles would ever desire to come back to. Again, there’s a much nicer garden in Nohr that he could enjoy right now, whenever he wants, with no work put into it.  
However, something hits at a string or two, plucking in his heart. The earnest nature of Ryoma. The fact that this is a stripped down man who is not playing up the part of a royal or king. If it was someone, even Xander, who tried to convince him, he might be far less kind about the whole idea of waiting for a garden. Ryoma does not inspire him to be cruel, to bite that hand off and to leave him depressed and sad. At least for now.

“…Well. If you insist I come back to see your garden improve, I suppose I can come back… provided you’ll accept criticism on your new garden.”

Niles leaning forward with fingers touching his chin, as if to judge Ryoma to see how he’d react to a street rat judging the work that he’s done. But Ryoma doesn’t even seem bothered by it, a smile on his lips before he laughs.

“I would appreciate that! I could always take other people’s advice. Considering how little I seem to know about gardening.” Ryoma says, still cheerful as ever, “Hopefully the next time you come by, I have more to show you.”

It’s there that Niles realises what Ryoma has done to him. Niles has not bothered Ryoma, no. Not like he was certain he was planning on, although the thoughts were not sticking around as to why, exactly, he was so willing to go along with Ryoma’s wants. Ryoma had pulled him along for one simple reason.

He wants to get inside of his shell. The shell he had worked so hard to build up.

And Ryoma desires to pierce that shell wide open.

Although Niles, desperately, wants to keep that shell closed up, keep anyone from getting in and letting himself get hurt again, he’s amused that someone actually wants to try. Someone who doesn’t want to force him to be someone else… at least, so far.

So he just chuckles, and nods.

“I hope so too.”

~~~~  
These thoughts, going back on the past, make Niles wonder exactly who was in charge here. Niles had always considered himself in charge. The one who makes demands, the one who tells where it starts and where it stops. Although in the last two relationships he had, he didn’t say it stopped, he worked his way into avoiding having to do that. And truth be told, he’s not sure he likes it like that. But does he really have a choice when everyone and everything wants to hurt him?

Opening the door to the library, he undoes his tie that Leo asked him to wear, something cheap because he knew damn well it wouldn’t make it through the night and moves to first open up the window. And then he ties it around the handle.

The knot is firm and strong, he’s had a talent for many simple and powerful skills, and he makes sure the tie won’t fly away in the wind. It’s not something he’s done before, but it’s something he knows from experience that he needs to do. Something that won’t be ignored by a person who knows what it is for.

And rather than stand around here and wait, he moves to grab one of the books from the shelf, something he hasn’t read, some sort of romance that is definitely not up his alley (and he’s fairly certain he’s mocked someone else for reading before), and moves to take it back to the bedroom for a long, well deserved rest.

Because after all that’s gone on his mind, he needs something that’s not trying to break him open and expose him for what he never wants someone to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot shorter than the last one but it hits what I need it to hit. I look forward to starting the next one soon. Also feel free to follow my fanfic twitter @metropoliszone1 for updates on this and other fics!


	3. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's going to have to, for the first time in his life, actually talk about his feelings."

_"Lord Leo? What are you doing?"_

_Niles blinks as he looks towards Leo as they stood in the library. Niles had been there doing reading and practicing his writing when he saw Leo near the window, wrapping something around the handle of the window, nice and tight._

_Niles had only been under Leo's orders for a few months, which was mostly spent learning about one another and helping him develop the skills (and appetite) needed to survive in the world of royals and nobles. Which meant there were things that one was learning about the other on a constant basis. Society in general was something that they had to learn, between Niles's gutter life and Leo's castle life… though, even with the differences in people and power, there were some things that would never change._

_People with money were assholes._

_Even Leo could admit that he wasn't always the best kind of person… but Niles couldn't say he minded too much there._

_"This?" He didn't turn his head around as he tightened up the fabric, "…It's something that me and my brother have between one another." Pulling himself back from the window. "If I have something I need to share with him in private, I leave this here for him." Reaching up to make it extra tight and pulling it back towards him with a low grunt. "There."_

_Niles tilted his head to the side, blinking slowly (which most people in the castle would comment and say it was weird looking to blink with a missing eye). "…Wouldn't you just go and talk to him? Wouldn't that be easier?"_

_Leo sighed, "You would think. But he's usually busy with other things… he is, after all, in line to be the next king," Turning and looking at Niles, his face soft as if he was feeling some particular emotions… which he was wise enough not to ask about. It's wiser to him not to dig into how people are feeling. "So… by leaving this here, when he finds it, he'll come find me."_

_Niles just looked, as if he didn't understand any part of this. Weren't family supposed to be there for one another? Or was that just a myth someone told him? Hah… maybe his own history should have confirmed that. But seeing this, all he can think about is if families really like each other. Because all he seems to know is that no one wants to spend time with one another.  
But he won't say that outloud._

_He simply blinks and nods, "Understood." But understanding any sort of dynamic like this just seems like too much wasted work for him. Watching Leo step out of the library so he could handle his own issues, Niles just looks at the fabric. A dark purple, smooth and rich, floating in the breeze that came from the window being open. It's tight enough to not fly out, but not so tight that someone couldn't untie it themselves. Which Niles almost attempted to do. Out of curiosity's sake, and out of a desire to know what the deal with all of this was._

_But before he could do that, King Xander entered the room. Niles immediately stepping back towards the desk and looking at the book he was supposed to be reading. Pretending to read any of the words and not listen closely. Xander didn't give him much attention, but he was fine with that. He instead went to look around the library, grabbing a pair of books, before turning his gaze to the window._

_"Niles."_

_He said, standing beside his desk. It took Niles a moment to realize that someone, besides Leo, was using his name. He blinks and looks up._

_"Did you see where Leo went?"_

_His mouth was dry right now. So without speaking, he simply shakes his head. He's been simply told to not piss off Xander, through spyin- listening carefully to words through servants, and Leo said that as he was getting his bearings, try not to do anything too rash. So he's learned, at this moment, to keep his mouth shut._

_But even the shake of his head pushes Xander's mouth a bit tighter. "I see." Snatching the fabric from the window, he turns to leave the room, "Thank you, Niles," He says before leaving the library entirely._

_Niles had no idea of anything that just happened._

_But he still doesn't get any part of that._

~ ~ ~

Perhaps his younger self was a bit too cautious. But it did illuminate some things for him back then that he's taken to dealing with now. He doesn't torment Xander like he does the other people in the castle, but he certainly can open his mouth around him. In fact, it often feels like Xander is the only one who he can actually talk to at times… which doesn't feel right in the slightest, considering he was the king of Nohr, and as far as anyone was concerned, he was still the gutter rat that would probably be better off staying down there.

But… he didn't see himself following what Leo did. At first, at least. Whenever he needed to talk to someone, if it was small, he'd keep it to himself, if it was bigger, he'd talk to Leo, and if it was huge? He'd also keep it to himself because his problems were not big enough to cause anyone else any issues. Everyone else had other things to worry about, and Niles was strong enough to handle his issues on his own.

Which he had. For most of his life. And he probably would have continued to do if not for the fact that this was not just another person. Someone he could toss aside. No. This was bigger than him. Which was a first. Being bigger than him was usually something he quite enjoyed, thanks. That's why he liked Ryoma… among many other things.

But he was starting to wonder if this was really the best idea. Letting his anxious energy hang out in the middle of the library. He knew it was something between Leo and Xander, but… did anyone else know? He never asked because he didn't want Leo to think that he didn't trust him. In truth, he trusted him too much to share this problem with him. And the fear was that it would end up biting him in the ass in the end. Ryoma would hate him, Leo would be disappointed in him, and he would basically be a worthless human being.

Well that last part was true before this.

That's not the point.

Breathing heavily, he moved to walk into the library to see what was there. Right now, he was trying to keep things on the downlow. Simply grabbing a few of the books while looking at the window and noticing it's empty. Ah. Well, if he wanted to go back on his decision, he couldn't now. He would have to live his life knowing at any moment, eventually, something is going to come back to him and he's going to have to, for the first time in his life, actually talk about his feelings.

Which is a mistake.

Taking his books, he moves to go back to his room. There are far too many people in the castle, and for once, he doesn't feel like tormenting anyone here. He just wants to go back to his room and do some light reading instead.

~ ~ ~

Light reading turned into long reading. And day turned to night. And the castle moved without Niles leaving his spot.

The wedding celebrations go on and will go on for the rest of the week. Niles hasn't looked for Ryoma since that night, and he's not sure that the man wants to find him again after that. So, he's decided to let what will happen to happen. He sighs as he snuffs out the candle in his room before standing up and heading to the kitchens. With the chefs asleep, he can do as he wishes, which is far more preferable for his needs than having someone else do it.

Someone else he's pretty sure isn't all that fond of him anyways.

Entering the kitchen, he pauses as he hears noise coming from it. No voice. Just movement. He doesn't want to alert anyone to notice him, so he stays still for a moment. There's a small hum that starts to come from the kitchen, which has Niles walking in slower, looking around to see if he can see anyone. But all he sees is a light… and a mess of blonde hair. Which narrows it down to a person he doesn't know how to say his current thoughts to, or… well, another person he doesn't know how to say his current thoughts to.

Which is generally why he doesn't.

He steps in a bit closer until he hears the deep voice, "Who's there?"

Well, that solves that.

"Just the friendly retainer, Niles." He chuckles raising his hands up as if he got caught. "Sorry to bother you, King Xander. I too was feeling hungry." He nods as he enters the kitchen further towards the counter. On it was jam and bread, perfect for a midnight snack. "But I believe we both had the same desires at night… for once." It's said with a teasing smirk (and a low groan from the king), as he moves to pull out his own knife from his sleeve, "Are you going to eat all that bread?"

"Not at all. Please." Pushing over the bread and jam, Xander begins to eat his own bread, "There's too much noise near my quarters, so I thought I would step away until things calm down a bit." Tightening up his robe a bit more as he felt it loosen. "It seems that some people like to think that the party didn't end last night and continued on well into the rest of the week… certainly some characters from Hoshido."

Niles began to cut and spread his own jam, "Is that so?" Getting a nice thick layer of the stuff on his bread, before adding a bit of butter on another slice. "Well, you know some people really can't keep things to themselves." He shrugs his shoulders as he took a bite of his own bread, "Must share every stupid thing that goes on in their head and make things worst."

Xander sighed, "I'm not certain that's what's going on, but I don't doubt you're incorrect. You are full of interesting insights, as per your usual." He took a glass of milk from the counter to drink as well. "Though, there is something that has been on my mind recently. Something I hadn't expected, but I suppose perhaps you'd be the right person to ask."

In his mind, he knew what this was going to be about, and he knew exactly what he was going to say about it. So rather than just spout all his issues, he could say something little bits at a time and perhaps save things for when he was ready to properly talk about some of his issues. With that tucked in his mind, Niles, ever so wise (sneaky) and incredibly handsome, just shrugged his shoulders, "Oh? I mean I don't hear that often… but I suppose I can share my own thoughts on the matter if you've got something in mind, " He leans forward on the counter a bit, "What, pray tell, do you think I might be able to share thoughts on?"

It took Xander a moment, as he straightened out his shoulders, and tried to be less casual, and a bit more formal. Though with how he was dressed, it wasn't exactly the easiest thing for him to do. It gave Niles a chance to go through his head and prepare for what he wanted to say to Xander about his current issues. Keep it simple and deal with it properly later when he was ready to deal with it.

"What is between you and Ryoma?"

That was the deer in headlights that gave Xander the knowledge he had hit the nail on the head. Niles's good eye went wide as he just stood there on the counter and didn't do anything. He couldn't even speak back to Xander when he said it.

"Considering you and him left at very similar points in the party last night… and while he came back, and you didn't, Laslow-" Niles was cursing that he didn't silence that bastard the moment he ran into him, "- said that he saw you leave a moment after Ryoma. And had brought up that he thought you might have done something to him." He frowned for a moment, "Which kept me in thought for a bit today. And then I entered the library."

It was then that he pulled out the tie Niles had tied himself to the window, which he had expected way sooner than now to come out. But then again, with the fact that Xander basically smacked him with the hammer at this point, he was shell shocked still, unable to move his head or say anything else. Noises didn't even come out of his mouth, just silence in between Xander's deductions… and Niles's complete lack of carefulness. Frankly, he thought Xander would be far too interested in his new wife and not the fact that people might need to step out.

"And I found this. I went to find Leo, but he said that he had nothing to share. But pointed out who it might belong to." Placing it on the counter. "And I had determined that at some point this week, I would come and find you to speak with. But since you ran into me instead… I figured I would bring it up now."

He placed his cup on the counter and his plate beside it, leaving Niles completely still. Completely confused. And completely and utterly lost.

"Niles. What is going on between you and Ryoma?"


	4. Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " 'If someone likes you, aren’t you worth something to that person?' "

The words Fight or Flight had a lot more severe meanings than the one he had for it right now. There were life and death situations through out his life where he had to decide if it was better to fight what was in front of him, or escape and try and live another day as fast and as far away from the problem as possible. And that was his life from the moment he could stand until he moment just before his presumed death. Since living in the castle, he had no such desires. Nothing that he couldn't handle, and nothing that threatened to kill him. And anything he couldn't handle, he could bullshit his way out of.

He can't bullshit his way out of King Xander's piercing gaze or questioning. He can _try_. Trying is definitely on the table, but that might be the only chance he gets, and then what does he do when that fails? Run? Yeah, sure, great idea, Niles. Let's run around the castle where Xander knows who your boss is, will find you, and kill you.

Everyone else, he has bullshitted his way out of and slipped out of their fingers without a second thought. The only two people he didn't try that on were Leo, who he had no reason to bullshit his way out of because any trouble he causes Leo, Leo will either brush off, pretend it doesn't matter, or deal with it right at hand, and Xander. Because he knew better than to give Xander any trouble.

His retainers were always on the table, but not the king himself. He's pretty sure that the king didn't pay attention to much of what Niles did anyways.

"Well?"

How long has Niles been dazed? Not paying the least bit attention to what Xander's been saying?

"Well… well, what?" Niles said, tightening up and looking at Xander, "Do I even need to say it at this point? It seems you have a perfectly good idea of what's happening." His voice tightening, and hand knuckled on the table. Riling people up is usually Niles's job, after all, he doesn't really expect it to happen to him. And he's completely susceptible to it if he's knocked off balance. Something few if any people take advantage of.

Xander firms up as he looks at Niles, "I want to hear it. Because if I take what I've heard about you, and your actions, it doesn't look exactly like anything you want to be accused of." Even in his evening clothes, even while sitting there with jam on his face, he's got all the power that could have Niles tossed out of this castle without a single thought. He wouldn't. He's Leo's worker, not Xander's. "You need to say it yourself."

"Tch." Niles grumbles, his hand shaking on the counter, "Even if I spoke what went on, how much would you believe? Considering you already know exactly how I am in your pretty blonde head of yours." The antagonistic side of him doesn't mean to come out, but when he's flush against the wall, it's all he knows. "You said it yourself, didn't you? You have your assumptions of me, and that will cloud whatever I tell you, won't it?"

Xander moves to lean forward on the counter, "Try me." Said simply, looking him up and down.

Niles clenches his fingers deep into his hand and breathes. Letting out all his frustration over everything try to escape. He wanted this, didn't he? He wanted to talk to someone about this… and here it was. Right now. His opportunity to say it all. It was a battle in his head, moving back and forth and forth and back, as if rolling around in there to try and find the pockets to speak. The silence was heavy in the kitchen with the pair of them as Xander watched and waited.

At least he was patient.

And liked to keep Niles's head on.

"…Ryoma and I…" He paused to breathe again, Niles trying to get through the words that he never thought he'd share with anyone. He didn't plan on sharing this with Leo, figuring that Ryoma would have left him a long time ago for whatever reason he may have had. People had plenty of reasons for doing it, after all. "He and I… well… he… really…" Stumbling over the words still, even as he knew what he needed to say.

But Xander didn't push or prod or nudge him in any way. He instead simply waited patiently for whatever Niles might have to say and let him talk. Of course, in Niles's mind, letting him talk was the wrong decision, and a better decision would have been to assume and let it all end here, he could go back to bed and pretend none of this ever happened.

Nope. This was not going away that easily, huh? Couldn't be a body or someone he didn't care about, could it?

"…We've been… I suppose you would call it… courting?" Niles tries to figure out the word he wants to use here. "Dating?" Tilting his head to the side, as he tries to piece it all together. "Not… whatever Laslow thought it might be, I guess, is the best way to describe it." Niles taps on the counter as he decides on that as the way he wants to describe it.

Xander paused for a moment. Niles just looking at him and leaning forward a bit more on the counter. "Though if you decide you'd rather go with whatever assumptions you have about me, that'd make things easier. We could both go to bed and pretend none of this ever occurred." Flashing his most charming (and entirely too creepy for the middle of the night) smile and resting his hand completely on the counter. Frankly, he'd prefer that. He basically said everything he might have known what to say on the subject, and he's pretty sure that being forced to say more was going to absolutely end his life.

Funny, he thought that would be end with far more blood than just talking to a king about another king romancing him. Nope, he was stuck with his embarrassment.

Xander just sighed, fingers moving up to pinch his nose, "So you… and Ryoma… are… a couple? Engaged?" At the widening of Niles's eye, he pulls back, "Okay. Not that. But. You and King Ryoma are… in some sort of relationship." He moves a hand under the counter and pulls out a bottle of ale and a tall glass, filling it up as he speaks. "And you… are…" Moving his hand to grasp the glass as he looks at Niles. "…Happy?" He asks as he tries to fill in all the blanks he wasn't given, and Niles is trying to take in his face.

Happy.

Hm.

"I suppose… yes?" Niles moves to take the bottle himself. "Maybe?" Xander just giving it to him so he could drink right from it does make things much easier on him. Less glasses to dirty and less maids to piss off while he's here and about to get wasted. "I think so." His fingers grasp the bottle tightly. "I mean…"

Xander just looks at him before sighing, "You are not at all one to be lost for words, Niles. Even I'm aware of that, and I'm certainly not as close to you as some people are… which begs the question as to why you might even need my help. Considering I know next to nothing about your history, and certainly even less about your relationships." He takes a sip of ale, as he looks him over, "So. You're having issues."

When Niles nods, Xander just sighs, "Okay. Why? What issues are you having? What's going wrong?" It feels as if his skin is being needled with questions that he should have been prepared to answer if he wanted to get to the point of his issues. Which he does. He's always wanted to get to the point of what's wrong with him, at least some part deep inside of him did. Every other part was a wall that he had built up.

And someone was able to knock them down. Which presented his vulnerabilities that he didn't _want_ someone to know about, dammit. But here he was. Presenting them in front of yet another person. What was with him and royalty? He's going to have to now wonder if there's something about a king.

"I don't even know how to say what's going wrong without sounding entirely too… not myself about it." Gripping his fingers into his palm as he went through his head trying to figure out what to say from here on out. Tapping the counter with the same hand that was turning white from his grip. He knew none of this really made him feel like who he truly was. Which is why he ended up being so upset about all of this. It felt out of place to even think about this, but his own emotions were definitely not playing nice with what he'd normally do. Shutting his eye for a moment as he tilts his head to the side. The sip of ale on his tongue really helping him figure out how to speak from here on. "…But he asked me what I thought about marrying him."

Xander paused for a moment. And the silence in the room began to bloom larger, stretching further out while Niles was sitting there looking at the king. Their eyes meeting but neither one of them wanting to say anything further. Not willing to say anything that might be considered insulting to the other. Niles certainly could, but he figured he was on thin ice from earlier and it's too late at night to break that ice. He's far more used to breaking other things this late.

"Yes, I know, I feel the same way." Finally cracking the silence entirely, Niles sighs, moving to lean forward on the counter. "Speechless and confused. Particularly the confused part for me, but it seems you've gone the other way." He sighs and closes his eye, resting himself fully on the counter as he tries to let his body relax, failing to do even that. He feels so tense, and his body feels as though it’s building up to keep him locked down. Frankly, he's stuck in the mindset that feels every part of this is not in the least bit real. A dream… or a nightmare, depending on who you asked (Niles wasn't sure which was which).

Xander cleared his throat and let his body relax slightly, "I see." Taking the bread back and slicing a piece off, he bit into it without topping it with anything at all. After he took the whole thing down, which gave him even more time to think, he finally let out a breath. “Is that not good? If you like him, and he’s asking about marrying you, is that not something you’d want in the future?” He didn’t miss Niles shaking his head in response. “No? So you desire not to marry at all? Even if everyone else was getting married, you would be fine with not?” Thumb rubbing over his lips to clear off anything that’s strayed on there.

“I think that’d be a blessing to any man or woman who even considered that they should marry me,” Niles said with a bark of laughter, tapping the counter he’s started to lean on. He still wasn’t the least bit relaxed, and he’s certainly not going to find himself being relaxed any time soon. The whole idea has him stressed out and feeling frustrated in a way he hadn’t really felt before. Not like he was ever prepared for something like love, and having to deal with the ins and outs of it besides for someone on the side, “After all, why would anyone want to give up being happy to have to deal with the garbage of Nohr?” Rapping his fingers against his chin, leaning a bit further on the counter.

"I think you're too harsh on yourself, Niles."

Which wasn't what Niles expected to hear, because he felt he was absolutely the right amount of harsh on himself. Sometimes he thought he was too _kind_ on himself for what other people seemed to think of him. But that was part and parcel of being the absolute asshole that he was. So being told he was too harsh on himself really caught him off guard, causing him to tilt his head to the side, blinking, as Xander brushed the crumbs from his shirt. The silence built up for a moment, but a moment that felt like far too long, as Niles didn’t give an answer to that, and Xander was trying to make sure he left as small a mess as possible for anyone to clean up. Xander was thoughtful like that. Niles often did his best, but as he considered himself, perhaps he didn’t do good enough. No wonder servants liked to shoot him a nasty look every now and again.

"If someone likes you, aren’t you worth something to that person?"

Niles just blinks again, as Xander simply lets out a loud sigh. Rubbing his temples, as he looked right at Niles to try and get through to him. Potentially, it felt like it could be tall order to do, Niles knew that he wasn’t easy to work with. He never tried to be easy to work with either. But for right now, he was at a loss for words. Really, is he even worth anything to himself? It felt as if Xander was trying to pierce through his skin a way he was not happy or fond of. And because of that, he began to tighten and tense up more than before, his mouth beginning to frown and lean back. Which only seemed to encourage the bastard to dig in further.

“Are Ryoma’s feelings not worth something to you, Niles?”

“Don’t be stupid.” Niles scoffed loudly, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and grumbling, his body tensing up even further, “Of course they do.” He would put Ryoma’s feelings before his own, something he’s known for a long time. If Ryoma wanted it over, Niles would do it without question. If Niles wanted it over, he wouldn’t say a damn word about it. That’s how much Ryoma’s words meant to him, that’s how much they filled him with joy to be so close to the man. And how much it hurt for him to know this was going to end soon before long. There wasn’t that much time left before Ryoma went back, and he wanted Ryoma to go back with an answer. And he knew, he knew damn well, that the answer should be that they should be over.

“Then why are you doubting yourself? Why are you doubting **him**? If he asked you about something, it means he’s considering it. Should you not consider that he wants to do it?”

Xander’s eyes pierced Niles’s singular eye, making direct eye contact, even as Niles began to fully tense up again. Which wasn’t helped by that gaze looking directly into his soul like that. Fingers curling on his arms. It’s not that Niles outright disagrees, because he’d say so if he did. Rather, it’s that Niles isn’t sure that he can believe that he’s not being somewhat strung along by his own thoughts. And he knows, he won’t deny, that he’s finding himself slowly and cautiously into a place that he’s not sure he’ll recover from. But he doesn’t respond back to Xander this time. And Xander doesn’t say anything else as he finishes off his late night snack.

“If you want to discuss this further and in more detail, I will be in my office tomorrow. I will not be offended if you decide not to attend.” Xander using a napkin to wipe his mouth clean, “Please rest well, Niles. And please treat yourself with a kindness that Ryoma feels you deserve.”

Xander nodded his head to the clearly overly tense Niles. And Niles just nodded back with a whispered “Good night,” right back to him. But he can’t deny that this did not make him feel any bit better. And Xander dug in far deeper than he was prepared to deal with.

“Fuck,” He grumbled, leaning against the counter, putting his head down face first. He needs to not talk to the kings anymore. All they do is cause him too many damn problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUESS WHO'S BACK.
> 
> Also I've started writing some fluffy fics of just Ryoma and Niles, and you can read those in this same series. I hope you enjoyed this update! Thanks for reading!


	5. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, Niles could tell whenever Ryoma was slightly unhappy,"

No, Niles didn’t go visit Xander this morning. He had considered it, it had certainly been on his mind, but he determined that nothing was going to come from that. No one could really dig into Niles’s mind and tell him what he should and shouldn’t think, and going to visit Xander was just going to be a process in feeling frustrated and trying not to get into arguments with a king. But what could he do? Was there anything he could really do?

Truth be told, right now, he’s simply trying to avoid anywhere where Ryoma could be. Because if he doesn’t see Ryoma, he doesn’t have to confront those sorts of feelings right away. Maybe he can just work through all of these feelings on his own where no one could find him. Not that he didn’t run into people from Hoshido, but no one where he felt like he might have to actually explain why he’s been trying to avoid all of them. Takumi and Subaki were both probably thankful that Niles wasn’t going anywhere near them on their visit.

And really, what could he ask for more? An opportunity to avoid people he didn’t like? Golden. They probably felt much the same way. Plus, knowing all the back hallways and corridors meant that it was even easier to avoid everyone. He had been doing this for years, and no one knew them like he did.

It was the middle of his day when he started walking through back hallways, and felt bold enough (read, stupid enough) to enter in the main hallways, the fastest way to get to the kitchen. And it was a risk, it was absolutely the largest risk he could take, but he figured that since he wasn’t seeing anyone around him, it was safe enough to enter back into those hallways, and get where he needed to much faster. And of course, when he decides to take a risk and go out on a limb, it’s when his luck starts to run out. When he leaves the hallways and starts to walk through them, he stops just as one of the doors open. So imagine his surprise (which was none) that someone with beautiful, long brown hair in casual clothes…

Ah fuck.

“Ryoma.”

Ryoma. Alone. No retainers (He knew Saizo was **somewhere** nearby, he always was). So they were truly, and completely alone.

“Ah, hello Niles.”

Definitely an ah fuck moment.

~ ~ ~

It wasn’t often that Niles would get to go back to Hoshido. If Leo had something to do there, he would go along with him. But he didn’t exactly have a reason to go on his own. No invitations, no promises of a relaxing trip, no need for him to go sort anything out. So he figured, in the long run, that anything he may have discussed with Ryoma would be a one and done deal. And he couldn’t say he completely minded that. Ryoma had no idea what he was going to get himself into, and Niles didn’t really feel like explaining why he was so much trouble to anyone. Especially not Ryoma. Ryoma should just know that a man like him is nothing but trouble.

So, imaging his surprise when he was able to head back again. Leo had some other work to take care of there, and Xander also wanted to attend with him. Xander brought Laslow and Niles went with Leo. Laslow, he could ignore entirely. Nothing Laslow did was worth paying the least bit of attention to. Really, he was only there for Xander to have someone watching his rear for him if need be.

Which was amusing in it’s own right.

The climb up to the castle was Niles’s least favorite part still, a hatred of heights and no desires to be stuck riding a Pegasus up there. Thankfully, no one else in their group did either, saving him from having to show a weakness to Laslow, who he was absolutely sure was going to dig into him and rip him to shreds, should he find out. Not amusing in the least if anyone finds out what he dislikes. Hiding is what he’s good at and he’ll keep that up.

At the top and in front of the castle, servants come to get all of their things. Niles had never been comfortable letting either servants at home or servants here do his dirty work, but he’s promising to be on his ‘best behavior’ after misbehaving last time. Hmph. At least he’ll agree to that for right now. After all, Leo is his lord and he wants nothing more than to cause him as few problems as possible on ally ground. When he can cause him plenty of problems when they’re face to face and alone, thank you very much. He has no desire to make the man feel or look bad in front of someone important.

No matter how easy or fun it could be.

“We’ll be here for a few days, Niles. Could you perhaps find us a new place to spend the evening?” Leo turned to look at him, walking with him into the castle, “I’d like to have a drink after work today.”

“I think I can do that, milord.” Niles bowing to Leo before slipping away from the group entirely. May as well find it before he gets caught and accused of causing issues. Plus, if people are paying attention to Xander, he can avoid the few major issues that will come up as he’s wandering around this castle. Two huge issues that he wants nothing to do with, especially not now. The problem with Castle Shirasagi is that he doesn’t know it as well as he knows Castle Krakenburg, making it a challenge to avoid everyone that he needs to. Thankfully, Subaki is the easy one to avoid.

Sense smug coming from one direction and immediately make a turn. And that could get him to avoid almost anything or anyone he doesn’t want to. It’s close a good number of times, he fears, just barely missing the hint of red that is walking down the hallway.

Though, no matter how different his moves seem from the last time he was here, he winds up back at one of the places Ryoma had introduced him to last time. The Night Garden. Of course he was expecting to come back this way at some point, after all, Ryoma had promised to introduce him to this place, but he hadn’t expected to wind up here on his own. He also hadn’t expected it to change so much from his last visit. Yes, it was still less than enjoyable to look at, with things being planted and nothing truly blooming right now. But more things were growing now, and there was even a bench for people to sit on if they want. But nothing really impressive.

Which meant he was judging it just as someone else was entering.

“Well? What do you think?” The only voice he really didn’t hate in this castle, it seemed, had found him. How lucky for him. “I assume you have some thoughts on the garden now.” When Niles turned around to look at him, he couldn’t be surprised. They were discussing things, so of course Ryoma would be dressed up, which is sad. Seeing him dressed down with his hair all the way down was quite the nice view for him. Still, seeing him with his hair up in partial armor (as Xander did as well) was it’s own good view, so Niles isn’t going to complain about that.

He is going to focus on the garden, since here, he does have permission to complain.

“Personally, it seems drab,” Niles said, turning his head from Ryoma to look out into the garden. “I thought that maybe we could expect something truly beautiful to bloom here by the time I got back. Could I be expecting too much?” Niles was just being harsh, and he knew that. After all, it hadn’t been that long since he had left and come back. “However, I will admit that adding a bench was a simple idea that works well for this type of garden. So at least you’ve gotten a basic in place.” Niles may have agreed to not cause too many issues, but just enough issues should be fine. If he got in trouble, he could squeeze his way out of it. 

Instead of reacting in a way that Niles was prepared for, judging and questioning the opinion of a street rat, Ryoma just hummed and rubbed his chin, “I see. What other ideas do you have for it? I’m certainly open to hearing what you might like to see when Nohr visits again.” The smile is soft, and Niles is just confused. What kind of people were in Hoshido? He doesn’t know what kind of people he should be expecting here. After his experience with a few of the less friendly members, he only expected them all to be much of the same as back in Nohr. But Ryoma is not that.

And he’s caught off guard.

“Hm. Well, flowers to start with. Unless you want to have a purely green garden here. Which is certainly an option.” He doesn’t get this. Niles doesn’t get Ryoma at all here. Why is he being so willing to let Niles spurt whatever he wants out of his mouth? Leo doesn’t even know what kind of relationship the pair of them have, and if he knew, Niles might just be banned from talking to Ryoma here on out. “And perhaps a gazebo for tea. That seems like something that would suit you too.”

And again, rather than say anything about his attitude, like so many nobles and royals had before, Ryoma is simply stroking his chin and listening to what Niles has to say here, taking it all in, and leaving Niles feeling more off around him, as if he can’t predict what the man is going to do going forward, “Mm. I can agree with the gazebo, but I don’t think I’d like to have a green garden. Things are just not blooming right now, and I hope that the next time you come and visit Hoshido, you’ll be able to see the changes. I think you’ll find them fascinating.”

“Oh, I will? Is that the only thing I’ll find fascinating, Ryoma?” His eye going up and down Ryoma’s body, checking him out in a way Ryoma will notice this time. Trying to get his fingers under his skin and figure out what makes him tick. Once he’s got that figured out, he can focus on working Ryoma to his last nerve. Which had always been the plan with everyone he’s around.

“I guess you’ll have to visit again and see.” Ryoma said with a nod, “I have to head off to a meeting. But please, make yourself at home and comfortable. If you need anything while exploring, I’m certain any of the servants who work here will handle you. I apologize for not preparing one for just your arrival, Niles. I hope you have a pleasant stay.” Before turning his head and body around and leaving out the way he came from the garden. Leaving Niles standing there alone once again. No, he wouldn’t go and find a servant to take care of his own needs, thanks. That’s the problem with royals. They let everyone take care of them, and wouldn’t take care of themselves. If Niles wanted something done, the best way to do it was by himself, thank you very much.

Ryoma was definitely a piece of work. And Niles was not in the least bit sure what to make of him, even now. It was a frustrating affair and he was not looking forward to dealing with him on an ongoing basis. But until he got the reactions he wanted, he would. The man intrigued him in so many ways, and Niles still really wanted to crack him fully open and dig all around inside of him.

If only for his own amusement.

~ ~ ~

The way things change, don’t they? For Niles was the one with skin cracked open and Ryoma was the one digging around in him. Which was frustrating in it’s own right. He so desperately wanted to lock himself up again, for he knew that nothing that came from this would ever work for him. They never did. He should just tell Ryoma to leave him alone, or ghost him entirely, but he continued to orbit Ryoma, with no way for him to escape. Swallowing the lump in his throat again, he looked at Ryoma.

“I had been wondering where you had gone to, Niles. It felt like it had been a while since we saw each other… usually when I visit, we see each other once a day, but it has been a while since we spent time together.” Ryoma let out a small chuckle, which just caught Niles off guard enough that even if he had chosen the words that were rolling around in his head, he probably wouldn’t have spit them out. He had to focus on something else before he would say something that he’d regret. Looking up at Ryoma, and catching him tilting his head, it felt like he had been silent for hours.

“Ah, sorry. I’ve been taking care of things around the castle.”

God, he’s so stupid.

“Oh, I see. It is good to see you again, Niles. I hope I’m not stopping you from anything important.”

He’s so charming, and Niles doesn’t know how to handle that sort of thing. It keeps him on edge, and he really doesn’t like that. He tries to keep as casual as possible here, knowing that if he slips up, he’s going to get labeled as an idiot, and he really doesn’t want that. Not in front of Ryoma, even if they are (almost) completely alone. So Niles just shakes his head as Ryoma moves closer to him, placing a hand on Niles’s head. It felt weird to Niles, but he didn’t say anything back to him. Determined to keep his mouth shut, making sure he

“Can I have a peaceful evening with you once before I leave?” Ryoma says, removing his hand, “Ah, sorry. My instinct is to comfort you. I apologize for pushing myself on you.”

It really felt as though Niles was backed into a corner, and there was nothing he would enjoy better than biting that hand and scaring Ryoma off for good. But Ryoma liked a little nibble and Niles was afraid he might take it as a sign that he was eager to hop in the sack immediately. Were he not recently asked a question that he had never let himself be prepared to hear, he might be encouraged by that. But he was still racking his brain over what to tell him, and how it should go. And he’s not excited about dealing with that.

“I’ll have to see, Ryoma. I’m sorry.” And even Ryoma’s face looked let down. Oh, Niles could tell whenever Ryoma was slightly unhappy; his eyebrows began to drop and his smile turned slightly sad. He had only done this to him once, and it basically ruined Niles for the rest of the day. “There’s still some things that Lord Leo wishes for me to do.” Niles was a fantastic liar, knowing what to say to get out of any situation that required it. Even if he had to talk to Leo and slip out of there (he didn’t do it at all now, but when he was a lot younger, and a lot brattier…), he could do it. But right now, he felt as though Ryoma could see right through him. Figure out all the words he was saying and just tear him in half to get to the truth. He was, indeed, avoiding Ryoma. And that’s the last thing he ever thought he’d want to do.

But thing do change.

“I see,” Ryoma nodded, stroking his chin, “If you do find the time, please come and find me. I look forward to seeing you again soon. For something a little bit more comfortable.” Ryoma smiled still, looking a little brighter, “I’m off to get food. Are you sure you can’t join me even for a moment?”

Ryoma knew. And he was just trying to keep Niles at arms reach, as if he was quizzing him to get the answers he wanted. What would happen if Niles didn’t give him the right answers? He would have to find out one way or another, he supposed.

“I’m actually heading off to meet Lord Leo right now. I will come find you before you go. I promise.” At least that he could be honest about. He wanted to come to an answer before Ryoma left. He didn’t want to tell him something this important just by mail and mail alone. “I know you leave soon with important things, but I promise you that I will come to you before you leave our castle.” His fingers moving to touch Ryoma’s as if he needed something, just something, to grip onto and hold tight. But without giving away his fears.

“I look forward to it then. I leave mid day in two days.” A deadline. Niles knew there would be one soon. And he would either tell Ryoma that yes, he did like the idea of being married, or that they should no longer be together. And two days did not feel like enough time to do it in. But, in the end, he had to be pushed in one direction to get to the answer. So be it.

So fucking be it.

“I will be there before then.” Niles places a kiss onto Ryoma’s hand, and lets the man leave.

Okay, so this is all going from bad to worse. And Niles still doesn’t have an answer. So he stands there, and waits for a maid to walk by, leaning in and whispering.

“Don’t move. Where’s King Xander right now? I know you know.”


End file.
